Filip (38) has too much to do: "How do I ask for and accept help?”
My body is under too much stress. In addition to my job as a full-time stay-at-home dad, I am getting ready for our move to Switzerland. Packing boxes, unscrewing cabinets, clearing out the attic. My body needs rest, but the move is only three weeks away.
Blogger Filip (38) decided to have his left leg amputated in 2016 after a water sports accident. After his amputation, he was finally able to get on with his life: sports. Filip has a wife and three children. With his blogs, he shares a peek into his life and inspires others with his activities and experiences.
My doctor has given me a good telling-off. I have an inflammation in my good knee because I’m putting too much pressure on it. What’s more, I have wounds on my residual limb. The solution is to rest more often, starting with two full days of sitting in my wheelchair without wearing my artificial limb. As easy as it may sound, it’s anything but.
The harsh truth
A good friend of mine has been wheelchair-bound for twenty years. When I used to grab his wheelchair to help him navigate an obstacle, he’d get very upset with me. Now that I have an impairment of my own, I’m discovering that I’m exactly the same. It’s a harsh truth to come to grips with.
Doing it myself
Why should I need other people’s help? They have their own lives and jobs to deal with. That’s why I consciously decided to move to my wife’s mother country. My mom, dad and uncle want to come and help tomorrow. It feels odd to have three retirees work up a sweat for me, while I, at just 38 years old, stand by and watch them pack my boxes. That’s why I’ve decided to just do it myself.
Energy sink
Living life with an artificial limb takes a lot of energy. A lot. And with three little troublemakers at home, I’m hardly going to spend my day in a wheelchair. I didn’t think I’d ever say it, but I really need to be more mindful of that. I need to accept help.
But how?
Watching three elderly people pack my boxes for me is something I just can’t do. At the same time, I’ve found my social circle shrunk because of the Corona pandemic. It's hard to call someone I haven't seen in months and ask them for help. And while many working parents probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid at taking their children to daycare, I just can’t see it that way. I brought my children into this world, so I have to take care of them.
Clashing with myself
I’ve never clashed with myself as much as I have in the past few weeks. It’s as bad for me and my body as it is for my loved ones. I start shouting and ranting as my wife and kids look on, and I don’t want them to see this side of me. At other times, I clam up. When that happens, I’d love to go mountain biking to just get away from things, but, at the moment, it’s just not physically possible for me. Besides, cycling can be dangerous and I can’t afford to get into any accidents at the moment. I am fully aware that this is not a healthy situation to be in, and I know that I’m not the only person with a disability who feels this way.
Now what?
I think that it won’t be long before my body just gives out on me, by which time it will probably be too late. So, here we go: I’m asking you for help. Do any of you feel the same way? Or do you see things completely differently? How do you deal with it? Please leave a comment. Perhaps, with your help, I might just find a solution.